Letting Go
by dimyavie
Summary: When Sirius Black falls through the Veil, his thoughts turn to death. Will his past hold him down or will he be able to let go?


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter (though sometimes I wish I did) and I want to thank JKR for creating these wonderful characters. I only wish to borrow them for a while. Please don't sue me, although I have no money so there would be no point anyway.

Author's Note: I am only posting this as a favor for my little sis. So sis, here you go! (And I bet I'll win) If you do wish to e-mail me however, my address is 

Sirius Black had never before been afraid of Darkness. After all, more pranks and mischievous acts could be done when you couldn't be easily seen. Now however Darkness was no longer his helpful friend; Sirius Black was scared.

All sense of time had long since vanished, so Sirius was unsure of how long it had been since he had slipped through the Veil; it only felt like one day but it could have been one century. He closed his eyes as he thought back to that moment. He had slacked off; gotten too confident. James had always said that one day his cocky attitude would get him into trouble. "Well James," Sirius said to himself, "for once you were right. And now...I'm sorry, looks like I've let you down again. Looks like Lupin will have to watch the kid now. Maybe he'll be better off; Lupin always was the most mature of us Marauders." It was only after this monologue that Sirius realized he hadn't mentioned "the kid's" name. It hurt too much to think of him...Harry. He sighed and looked around at the Darkness, there seemed to be shadows here there; wisps of beings, but they had no color, and they didn't speak. _That_ was what frightened him.

He slowly started to walk, not sure where he was heading; no sure if he wanted to know. He'd never imagined Death as being this; stuck in Darkness with no sense of peace. Unless? no, of course not, he hadn't screwed life up that badly...had he? But the more he thought about he became more confident that this couldn't be _that_ place. For one, he was in extreme pain, and he wasn't suffering, well, not physically at least. But then that got him thinking again. If he wasn't there _was_ he? Sirius continued to think, trying to consider all options. He wasn't having any luck until he remembered something Dumbledore had told him at the height of Voldemort's reign. After an Order meeting he had for the first time thought about the possibility of his own death. Dumbledore must have seen something because he had caught up with him on his way out and initiated a conversation. Dumbledore had always had a way of making people feel at ease and was easy to talk to. Sirius remembered asking Dumbledore what he thought happened after someone died. The old wizard had said that he believed that the truly good people moved on to a better place; just another stage of life. And, that the others, those that had caused pain and torment were forced to endure all the suffering that they had caused. That had made sense to Sirius, and Dumbledore had been about to leave when he had thought of something else. "What about ghosts" he remembered asking. Dumbledore had turned then and replied that he thought that there was another place, a place for those who were not yet ready to move on. They were holding on to something from their life, and until they let go they would never be free. After that exclamation Dumbledore had said he had some business to attend to and had left.

Now, years later Sirius concluded that on at least one count the wise wizard was right; Sirius believed that he was in the other place he just wished that it wasn't so dark. "Okay," Sirius thought, "I'm here because I'm not ready to move on, what am I holding on to?" Almost at once he knew the answer, but he still didn't want to accept it. That would mean that he would have to accept that he was alone; without James, and without the kid. Sure, earlier he had thought about how it would be up to Lupin now, but it had been a passing thought. Now, he knew that he would have to reflect back on it, and try to move on. "Not that that makes this any easier" Sirius spoke again to himself. As he did another wisp passed him by. That made his thought more resolute: he _had_ to get out of here. He considered this and then decided to talk; the wisps hadn't seemed to mind before and it seemed easier for him to control his words than his thoughts.

"Well kid," he started but then decided if he had to let go, he had to say the name. He began again, "Well...Harry, you probably can't hear this, but it's the only thing I can think to do at the moment. I just want you to know, I'm proud of you and I'm sure that somewhere Lily and James are bursting with pride at the fact that you're _their_ son." Sirius sighed, he didn't know if this was working or not. His eyes must be adjusting to the Darkness though, because it didn't seem as black now. Deciding to say more he once again opened his mouth, "Harry, I...I'm sorry that I've let you down; that I won't be able to see the man you'll grow to be. But I know you'll be a great man. I know that because your father was a great man and you've got one up on him because Lily Evans is your mother. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I want you to have a good life. I just wish that I was there to see it..." He paused again and now knew that he wasn't just adjusting to the Darkness. It WAS getting lighter. He glanced down and realized that he could see his hands...wait. Something wasn't right, he could _feel_ his hands but when he looked down all he saw were two wisps. That's when it hit him. _He _was a wisp, and the other wisps around him, they must be other people. He didn't know if they were all wizards and witches, but at the moment he didn't really care. It was getting lighter and he knew that meant that he would be getting out of this place soon, he didn't know how he knew, but he decided not to question it. "Lupin, it's up to you now. Harry is going to need you now more than ever. You've got to help him Remus. Hermione and Ron can only help him so much; he'll need an adult...someone he's comfortable with. You know as well as I do what Voldemort can do. And although Harry won't admit it I know he's scared. You need to reassure him. Because as much as I and I know you want to fight for him we know that in the end it will come down to him and his abilities. Help him Remus. Goodbye."

Done now, Sirius saw that now the Darkness was fading away, and light was taking over. He saw the wisps again, and for a moment felt sad. He felt pity for all those who could not yet go to rest. But then he was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment. The Darkness was completely gone now, and Sirius Black knew that he was now able to be at rest.


End file.
